Well, if you know me, you know I've had a "works for tips" job for 8 years now. Yes, yes, I know...8 years. Ridiculous? Agreed. Where does the time go? But I'm not here to argue where time goes or where it doesn't go. I'm here to talk about my Pet Peeves, or...ahum...things that piss me off to the extreme. What better way to start than with the No-Tip person(s). There are different kinds of jobs that include people who work for tips, examples, a Waitress, Taxi Driver, Shoufer, etc. My job? Oh....yeah, I'm a delivery driver. Not someone with a respectable job like a UPS or FedEx delivery guy, I'm a Pizza Delivery Guy. Yes, again, 8 years. Well, shit, the money's good (most of the time). When is the money not good you might ask? When you get people who don't tip. Let me tell you about them.
The order's $23.87, I drive through traffic, through obstacles, such as people crossing on green lights because they're on their cell phones, just to bring you your food you ordered. So as a customer, so far you've picked up the phone, dialed a number, ordered your food, hung up the phone and just sat to wait. Hard? Tired? Now the door bell rings. Ding-dong! Door opens. Here I am. Right on time I might add (as usual).
You say, "How much is it?" (Which I might add we've already told you on the phone)
I say, "$23.87."
You give me a ten dollar bill and a twenty.
You say, "Just give me 6 dollars back."
Ok...let's do the math fuckhead. Six dollars was all of the change cause I'm sure as hell not carrying a dime and three pennies for you. And if I did have it...you're not getting it. So...no tip. There we go.
Let's think of some reasons you don't tip. Maybe you don't have enough money? For fuck's sake! You just ordered $30 worth of food. You can get a pretty fair amount of groceries for 30 bucks! Do it next time!
Maybe you're a college student? I'm suppose to assume you don't tip because you go to college?!? Lame. Lame. Lame. That's like saying I don't work because I have too much rent and bills to pay. Make sense? Exactly. Being in college doesn't necessarily mean you don't have money. Atleast 80% of you have Mom and Dad's credit card (along with a 2011 Range Rover). As for the other 20% you might ask? Find a way. Dig some fucking change out of your couch cushions! Check the soda machines for loose change! Steal some from your roomy's wallet after you hypnotize him! I. Don't. Fucking. Care. Find it! Look at it this way: In 5 years you'll probably be working a job (you don't really deserve), making 10 times what I do. If feeling sorry for me helps you tip, I'll take it. I'm not that desperate, just really want to hurt you for not tipping. Don't make we wanna hurt you. Ha.
Maybe you just think delivery drivers don't deserve tips? I can assure you, we do. I mean, I did drive here in my own car, which I make a monthy payment on, on my own gas, walk around the back of your house and travel up two flights of stairs, covered with 2 feet of snow because your fatass was too lazy to get out and shovel. Shit...what do I gotta do to deserve this tip? Maybe if I showed up juggling machetes, spinning spiked plates from nose, all while carrying your order would help? Maybe? Or maybe I could shovel your stairs for you, clean your car off with my bare hands? For 2 dollars. It's not like you had to do anything but push pause on your DVR, walk to the door and open it. Maybe you're upset because I interupted an episode of Guiding Light? I apologize. I do deserve to be tipped. I don't make $50 an hour. I'm not a Doctor. I'm just trying to get by like the rest of the world.
Moral of the blog? Don't be the guy or gal that doesn't tip. I will hate you. I will wish nothing but your departure for the firiest depths of hell's hell's basement. Too much? Probably. Still true though. Bottom line: There's no reason to "not tip." Like a classic line from every Adam Sandler movie you've ever seen, "You can do it!!!"
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